Oh how much I hate Qwest

I switched from Qwest internet to a local wireless provider a year ago because I couldn't for the life of me figure out why my Qwest bill went up and up and up. I like to pay my phone bill automatically from my checking account, and my basic phone service (no long distance) plus internet should be simple, yes? I called them and they claimed that they couldn't predict what any month would cost me because of taxes and fees. But I know my state and federal government are not changing taxes or access fees on a monthly basis -- they barely have the capacity to change them on a yearly basis. I also can't get over the fact that somewhere Qwest has a computer that knows how to calculate how much to bill me every month, but the computers customer support has access to can't predict that amount.

Now, I've had to switch back to Qwest, and just the process is a nightmare. I start by looking at the options online. I choose a modem ($70), investigate speeds at www.speedtest.net -- people in my town using Qwest seem to be getting 5 Mb/sec, so I sign up for the 7Mb/second, knowing that that probably means 5 Mb/sec. When I go to checkout, the bill is $14 higher. There's suddenly a $14 shipping charge that wasn't mentioned earlier. I cancel the transaction and go to my local computer store to find a Qwest compatible DSL modem.

Then I go back and start over. This time I've been automatically signed up for the $49 installation fee. Go back and remove that. Now my bill looks like this:

Really? $30+$0=$43.50? In which universe? The difference isn't taxes, which I can check with a nice little button -- my taxes will be $3.20.

I give up on the website and call customer service. They explain that even with their system, the non-discount price shows up first, then you are credited on your bill for the difference between the discount and non-discount price. That's interesting, but the non-discount price is $49.99 for 7 Mbps.

So either that isn't the answer or Qwest is doing the math wrong.

Then he explains that installation will be finished by May 5, and my first bill cycle will end on May 25, therefore there will be a prorated charge for those 20 days. That prorated charge won't be from the discount rate but the full rate and my bill will be approximately $90.

Wait! My home phone line currently costs me $26. The full rate for 7Mbps is $49.99. So even a full month at the nondiscount rate could be only 76 dollars!

At this point he explains that the nondiscount rate for 7Mbps is $60. Interesting, not what the Qwest website says:

I will be billed a month in advance for my internet service. (Let's leave aside the fact it's crazy to prorate anything if I'm paying in advance anyway.) So that should be $26 (local phone) + $40 (prorated) + $30 (month in advance). That's 96, plus those taxes, call them $4. I call that approximately $100. I can't wait to see what the actual bill is.